


Deers in Forgotten Spring

by Orlha



Series: Sakura blossoms in April's showers [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:55:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26419855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orlha/pseuds/Orlha
Summary: Where Shikamaru comes to accept Sakura's deathShikamaru's POV between SFoA C5 and C8
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Nara Shikamaru
Series: Sakura blossoms in April's showers [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1260014
Comments: 4
Kudos: 90





	Deers in Forgotten Spring

**Author's Note:**

> Soundtrack recommendation: https://youtu.be/UzxM529P1u4
> 
> It was originally part of "A Distant Cry from Spring" but I decided that side stories should probably have their own fics. Or something... maybe I being dumb

Shikamaru hadn’t acted on his growing feelings when Sakura left. They were young, Sakura was recovering from a childhood of trauma. They had time, Shikamaru had thought. He wasn’t in a hurry to pursue a relationship with Sakura. Yes, he might have wanted more than what they had then, but he wanted her to find herself and confidently stand on her own feet before courting her. His father had taught him that self-esteem and self-confidence is vital in healthy relationships. 

He stares up at the ceiling, feeling the weight of regrets press him down. All the what-ifs, should-haves, all gone.

_“If they were captured and still are… then we just have to pray to the Sage of Six paths and the Shinigami that their deaths would be merciful.”_

_“For what it’s worth, I think they’re too resilient to be dead too.”_

The parting words Godaime had said haunts him like an insidious chain, choking him. He dreams of nameless shinobis assaulting Sakura in all the ways that he would never wish even on his enemies. He dreams of pictures that all graduating classes had to sit through, the pictures of the kunoichis locked in tiny cells, where death is more merciful than living. 

He wakes with half bitten back screams. Shikamaru knows that he needs to let go. That he has outlived her and he would likely outlive many others eventually. Her death - and all the deaths that had yet to come - are not his fault. 

✥.✥.✥

Shikamaru stares down at the monument. Her name on the monument still knocks the air out of his lungs every time he sees it. 

There had been a moment in time, not too long ago, where he had imagined buying flowers for her, holding her hands as they walked home. There had been a moment in time where he had dreamt of waking up next to her, seeing her in a Nara wedding kimono, seeing her carry his children. 

Death is better for her. Death is better than whatever alternative that she could have encountered that might have resulted in her prolonged disappearance.

✥.✥.✥

Shikamaru carves a deer from one of the Nara’s wood. He carves her name out across the finely crafted deer.

It’s a warm winter’s afternoon when Shikamaru tracks to the Nara warrior’s monument where rows and rows of deers just like his, stand on a spiral shelf. 

He puts her deer on a sunny spot. His lungs shudder and he blinks his tears away.

She’s gone now. He has to move on now. 

“I loved you, Haruno Sakura,” he whispers into the silence. 

He strokes the deer one more time and leaves, burying his first love behind.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written out for C8/9 but because I didn't want to add more POVs, this was removed. So since it's a standalone now, I figured I might as well post it up. This chp would explain Shikamaru's reactions to C9 and also why ShikaSaku will never be a canon thing in the ESR!Verse. 
> 
> There are a lot of ways the loss of someone can affect people. While not everyone will react this way: some people become more possessive/clingy after such a thing happens, some people can only look at the person and think of how it had hurt that they lost the person and buried them. 
> 
> For Shikamaru, even though he tried not to think about it, I feel that he might have come to the realization that Sakura and Genma were probably dead (or as good as dead) when no one could track them down. He might have accepted it easier too and might have tried to plan a revenge if he had known who it was.


End file.
